Divorce and the Preschool Child

Dr. Miriam Galindo, a privately practicing clinical psychologist, has been counseling families in the divorce process for more than 13 years. Dr. Miriam Galindo draws on in-depth experience working with very young children, including those of preschool age.

Because the preschool child lacks the cognitive ability to understand what divorce means, he or she is likely to feel confusion and fear. A preschool child who sees one parent move out of the home may begin to fear that the other parent will abandon them as well. The child may even begin to wonder if he or she is unloved, and this can be worse if the child has internalized the parental conflict.

The preschool child, whose world evolves around the self, is likely to believe that he or she has done something to cause strife in the home. The child may believe that if he or she is extremely good, the family will reunite. If this does not happen, the child feels even more guilty and self-recriminating.

Faced with such complex levels of fear, sadness, and anger, a preschool child may begin to regress. It is common for the preschool-age child of divorce to lose toileting skills, revert to thumb-sucking, or otherwise begin to act like younger versions of themselves. This can be a sign to parents that the child needs some extra love, care, and reassurance of protection.